Satire: "Angela Merkel, Your boys took a hell of a beating!"

In an upset, South Korea defeated World Cup holders Germany 2-0 in a final match of Group F in Kazan on June 27^th 2018, knocking them out of the tournament. The following is an imagined post-match rant by a South Korean commentator adapting the infamous tirade by Norwegian commentator Bjorge Lillelien after Norway beat England 2-1 in a World Cup qualifier in Oslo in 1981.

“We are the best in the world! We are the best in the world! We have beaten Germany 2-0 in football!! We have beaten Germany! Germany, birthplace of Teutones giants.

“Otto, Prince of Bismarck, Paul von Hindenburg, Helmut Kohl, Helmut Schmidt, Konrad Adenauer, Max Schmeling, Marlene Dietrich – we have beaten them all. We have beaten them all!

“Angela Merkel, can you hear me? Angela Merkel, I have a message for you in the middle of your coalition crisis. I have a message for you: We have knocked Germany out of the football World Cup.

“Angel Merkel, as they say in your language in the boxing bars around Boxhalle in Munich: Your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!”

© Adeyinka Makinde (2018)

Adeyinka Makinde is a writer based in London, England.